Through the challenges, I've grown.

This blog is a little more deep and personal than my last two blogs. I've been wanting to write a more "reflective" blog about my experience thus far. I don't even know where to begin. God has blessed me in many ways and helped me grow in many ways since I've been over here. There have been many challenges, but there is always something amazing that comes out of them. I always learn from them or find something to get out of them.

Money: I did not come over here with an ample amount of money. I have never been very good about managing money. I just kind of try to spend as little as possible and don't really keep track of how much money I spend. Well since I have been here I have gone through challenges that have woken me up and given me a good shake. After my trip to London, I really wanted to go on a trip to Scotland and Poland. It has always been my dream to go to Poland and see World War II sites, especially Auschwitz, but when I looked at plane ticket prices and hostel prices and my bank account, they didn't really compliment each other. The night I realized that I would not be able to travel anywhere else outside of Ireland, I became very upset and admittedly, I became a little jealous of the fact that my friends had enough money to go practically wherever they wanted. I knew God wasn't punishing me, but I just wondered why he was putting me in this position. After about 40 minutes of feeling bad for myself I forced myself to find a bright side to this. I had to find the flip side. When I came to the realization that I am about to explain to you, I laughed at myself and felt silly, and I'm sure you'll laugh with me... or AT me about this. I said to myself, "Megan, you are in IRELAND. That is enough! You are in IRELAND. That is more than many people can say right now. Think about where exactly you are. Look at all of the beauty around you. You are in IRELAND." My inner me was right. I was very blessed. I was in Ireland! I think God wants me to learn to dig deeper and find a deeper meaning right where I am. I don't need it all. I have it all right where I am. I came to study in Ireland. Ireland feels like home to me. It's where my family came from. I love Ireland. The fact that I was upset about not having enough money just made me feel very selfish and silly. God has given me so much. How much money I have should not be what determines my happiness. *Side note: I recently started being VERY responsible about managing my money. I've been keeping receipts and making very wise choices about what I spend my money on. I probably should have been watching my spending this closely since the beginning, but better to learn later than never!
Bible verse: "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have. Because God has said, 'Never will I leave you. Never will I foresake you.'" - Hebrews 13:5
Goal: For the rest of the time I am here, my goal is to learn more about Ireland and to find deeper beauty exactly where I am.

Side note: The night I became discouraged about not having enough money I felt like I couldn't do anything with my friends because everything cost money. Well God was clearly looking out for me because this weekend was filled with time with friends that cost little to no money.
*Friday evening - I had family dinner with friends and they supplied most of the food. Then we went to buy ice cream and hair dye for them. I didn't buy either because as many of you know, I would never in a million years dye my hair. AND I wanted to buy ice cream, but since I am watching my money so closely, I know that I don't have much money, and I figure there are better things that I can spend my money on. Then we got back and watched a movie, ate popcorn and dyed their hair. It was so much fun!
*Saturday - A new Wisconsin friend and a new South Carolina friend and I ate bread and cheese and watched a movie. I did spend money on the cheese and bread, but I was wise about my choices and the movie was supplied by one of the friends. We had a good time getting to know each other. I am so glad that I have been continuing to make new friends!
*Tonight! - My roommate and I got together and had supper and dessert together. I supplied the cake, which was very cheap and then she supplied the dinner part. It was just right... as usual. :)
*That night I e-mailed one of my Irish friends to see if we could get together for tea and chats and to see if it would be okay for me to go home with her and meet her family some weekend and she said absolutely! And we have a tea date on Wednesday!

God blessed me with all of these meaningful times with friends! It's like He was saying, "See Megan? You're surrounded by so much here in Ireland."

Health: For the first two months I was here, I ate whatever I wanted and loved what I was eating and I didn't really watch what  I was eating because it was always with people that I loved and we were always having a good time. I always tried to tell myself that I was happy with it all and that it didn't bother me that I was packing on pounds over here. I also haven't been able to run much because my knees scream whenever I try. One night I hit a breaking point and decided that I wasn't happy with how I was living this "lots of eating and little exercise" lifestyle over here. It was fun for the first two months, but now I'm not happy with it, so I decided to do something about it! This past week I started eating a lot healthier (like I used to), smaller portions, and have been doing a lot more exercising. I've opened up and researched different exercises that will help me get in shape but won't shred my knees apart. Even after just 5 days of this, I feel SO MUCH BETTER. I don't feel like I'm missing out on any food. I feel strong and like I am treating myself better, now. What I've learned about myself over here is that when I'm not happy about something, I can't keep trying to pretend that I am, I have to do something about it/change something. I have to really listen to myself. So I decided to listen to myself. I also gave up sweets until my birthday, except for Sundays. Sundays are my cheat days... they keep me sane. This isn't just about losing weight, it's about gaining control back. I got into these vicious habits of just eating non-stop or really late at night, even when I knew that it wasn't good for me. I feel like I have control again and this is what God has given us... self control and discipline. We best use it!
Bible verse: "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." - Romans 12:21
Goal: My goal for this challenge is to continue to persist in the good habits that I am developing. I tend to steer away from them after a few days into it, but I'm going to stick with these healthy habits because I want to take care of this body that God has given me. I will keep control. 

*I've been going on so many walks and I try to take in as much of Ireland as possible. I love the new places I'm seeing!

Contentment: If you've been reading my blogs along the way, you know that I went through a breakup while I was over here. I went through it pretty early, but it can take time to get over breakups and time for your heart to heal. There have been many points that I have thanked the Lord for the timing of this breakup! What better place to heal than in Ireland/abroad? I've healed in the greatest ways possible. I didn't heal with anger, jealousy, hate, etc. I healed in a more fulfilling way. I tried to see the ways in which God was blessing me and that it is all in God's plan. He wasn't punishing me. And instead at being angry about the breakup or reacting from the hurt, I just pray that he is happy, then I continue on  with my growth. There is no growth or positive outcome in hating or being angry at the person or in just hanging onto the "what-ifs" and "whys", instead you have to move on with grace. While being over here, I have grown stronger in my faith again and become content again. I have complete faith that God has a plan. I'm not in a hurry to find someone again or to be in a relationship again. I have a lot of growing and learning to do about myself before I jump into a relationship again. I've come to be content with God's love and what He has in store for me. Being content makes it easier to be happy and at peace with life. I'm content in Ireland and where I am at. 
Bible verse: "But godliness with contentment is great gain." - 1 Timothy 6:6 
Goal: My goal is to continue being content with where I am and what I have. To not compare myself with what other people have. I must remember how blessed I am at all times. 

*It's kind of funny how much I am not interested in the boys over here. Being content is such a good feeling!

Me, myself, and I - I've just been learning a lot about myself, too. Since I have been meeting so many new people, I'm realizing how different I am from people. Being over here and being able to focus on myself has been very eye opening. I'm a lot more innocent than I thought I was. I'm closer to my family than a lot of people are with theirs. Not many people I know, love the country/appreciate the country as much as I do. Not many people go to church regularly. There are just little things like that that really set me apart from people. And I am NOT saying that those people are bad and I'm NOT saying that I'm a loser, I've just learned so much about myself and I'm learning about who I really am. And I've gone on a roller coaster of not liking it and now I'm on the phase of embracing myself and really learning to love all that I am. I've had tearful  conversations with family friends and my mom, but through all of it, I am coming to see all that I am and loving all of it. 
Bible verse: Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. - Colassians 3:12
Goal: My goal is to try to dig deeper into myself and learn more and grow more. I want to take the time to focus on my experience and the ways in which I am changing.

New word:
Class - It means like... "top notch". Used in a sentence: "She was really good. That was so class."

Little ways in which I have changed so far:
*I drink more tea than you could imagine (at least 6-8 cups a day!) All different kinds.
*I started saying "cheers" and "grand" in my every day chats.
*I've become a little more independent traveling by myself or finding my way around. 

New appreciation: Studying abroad is an amazing experience. I love Ireland, but there are things that I definitely now appreciate more about home since I have been away:
*Change in season. I love that Wisconsin has clear Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer (besides this year... since spring and winter have kind of joined at the hip). In Ireland it's kind of rainy and sunnyish year round. It's beautiful here, though! I just like my seasons. :) 
*My church. I have a whole new appreciation for my church back at home. It's a little challenging connecting on a spiritual level at the church here. Back at home I will now appreciate how slow we say everything and the meaning that goes into the music. 
*Currency. Ireland has such cool coins and Euro bills! But it can get a little confusing because it is a little different from the US currency pattern. It will be interesting getting back home to the US currency. 

So the advice that I have learned that I give you: For those of you who are like me and are "all or nothing" kind of people or if you're the kind of person who has a million things to do right now, I must remind you, it's about quality, not quantity. I took a step back and realized this quote to be so fulfilling. Recognize the beauty and quality in your life right now. You don't need to do it all! You need to make the most of what you are doing. For example: It's not about how many countries I visit, it's about what I get out of the country that I am in. Slow down and find meaning in the day to day things.

Thanking the Lord every day for giving me this learning experience and for blessing me with these challenges and chances to grow. 

Blessings to you!